By: Olivia Francis
If one more person utters the phrase “There’s more fish in the sea”, I think I might spontaneously combust. Look, being single my entire 21 years of life is not exactly something I wanted, okay? But it’s also something I’ve learned to at least try and be okay with. From the young age of twelve, my mom has always told me she has my wedding planned out. At first, I was weirded out, but I couldn’t blame her. Who else was I supposed to tell about my unrequited Dylan O’Brien fantasy? I mean, she had the full nine yards in her brain; beach wedding, married at sunset. I mean, can’t you PICTURE Dylan’s wind-swept hair? God, the pictures would look amazing. My mom was onto something. As long as she made him the groom, I left her alone to do her planning.
As middle school started ending, boys seemed less gross and more endearing than I would’ve liked. My friends started noticing this too. By highschool, it was almost all we could talk about at lunch. Trying to figure out where our crushes were sitting and strategically making our “unassigned” seats at lunch in perfect view of the table where they sat. It was fine and dandy till one day, my crush, we’ll call him Jake, decided to approach our watching table. Because all of the world’s problems start with men with a J name. My heart was in my ass and my intestines were in my throat because why, why, why? Why did he decide to wear his cargo shorts again even though it's winter because “cold is for the weak”? Yes, my future husband was such a strong man, and he knew how to rock a pair of shorts. Why was he coming over to us and why was he looking at ME? My questions were answered as he asked me out on a date. I wouldn’t say it was with confidence, but it was more of a child trying to ask their mom if they can leave the party their parents dragged them to. But, nonetheless, HE ASKED ME OUT ON A DATE. This was going to go down as the best day of my life, so I of course said yes. A big FAT yes. Why shouldn’t a woman claim her requited love? Why should she have to explain her mom’s detailed plan about her celebrity dream wedding? Move out of the way Dylan O’Brien, this is Jake we’re talking about here! I just settled for a yes and the details would come with time. When I gave him my answer, he looked at me with a horrified look on his face. I began to wonder if I had been thinking out loud. Had he heard me making future plans with him? Our beach wedding and our three dogs we were going to have named after the Golden Girls? He flushed BRIGHT red, as did I when I looked over his shoulder and saw his friends start laughing. “Sorry, Liv. It was a dare. I was supposed to ask out the ugliest girl I could think of.” Damn. My heart corrected itself to its proper place, as did my intestines. Slowly but surely, and because mom didn’t raise me to cry over a boy, I instead got mad. Told him he looked stupid or some other half- assed insults I could think of. So, what if an insignificant boy thought I was ugly? But, he wasn’t an insignificant boy. Jake was supposed to be my future husband.
After that, I decided to never entertain boys in a romantic aspect. I mean, why should I? If I stay under the radar and stay mean, it won’t happen again. Now getting into college, little progress has been made. I’m still single, still wary, and the picturesque wedding my mom had ideas for between Dylan O’Brien and I has faded. My mom is now less than impressed with my logic that stands about how boys only ask me out as a joke and despite that, I’m a hopeless romantic. I’m writing this as I’m listening to Ceilings by Queen Lizzie, thinking about how a romantic scene would play out in this song between me and a faceless man. He would love me despite my faults and I’ll love him because of his. But, hear me out; sometimes being single makes me proud. Romanticizing my life has certainly helped me find comfort within myself and life has been feeding my little hopeless romantic heart. AKA, watching lovely edits of Pedro Pascal as I giggle and kick my feet. So, to all my single girls, boys, non-binary pals, yes, being single sucks sometimes. Especially when it feels like love is all around and none is left for you. But I’m here, and I have more than enough love to go around, saved up from my hopeless romantic fantasies for my friends, family, strangers, and myself. As Hot Girl Summer approaches, remind yourself that this season is for you and you alone. No one can be their sexy self on the beach quite like you and you don’t need anyone to tell you how hot you look. But being reminded never hurts. So from one single babe to another, you look sexy as hell.
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