By: Emma Sikes
As the thinker-upper (official title) of this marvelous website, I am often greeted by the phrase “Omg I love BOOBEES!'', followed by giggles and the grabbing of my arms (my love language, btw). It is one of my most favorite things that happens to me. Second to only when my name is put into the name game (Emma Femma, Bo Bemma Banana Fanna fo Femma fe-fi-mo Memma…Emma). AND when people realize my last name sounds like SIKE and decide to accompany that realization with a silly hand motion to furthermore show that they know the definition of the word SIKE. So, I guess it is my third favorite thing. I especially love it when it occurs in public, in a very echoey SCAD building, or at an otherwise very quiet coffee shop.
Firstly I say “Same, they rock.'' (the aforementioned BOOBEES (boobies)) and proceed to chat about my greatness with this new fan. It fills me with an immense amount of joy and pride to know that people are actually talking about my (our) stroke of genius (the comedy mag). The fame has absolutley gone to my head and turned me into an absolute monster. The other day I was getting an iced matcha latte after class (because I fucking DESERVE it) and the sweet barista took my order like usual then added “I was at the improv show on Friday and you were so funny”. My first thought was “Omg I can’t go anywhere. I’m getting absolutely swarmed by my fans”. If you didn’t know, I dabble in prov (improv) and by dabble I mean charm the pants off all the bored freshmen that attend. It’s exhilarating, and oh, so fulfilling. The tepid applause I receive when I, as a woman grab my crotch and pretend to be a boy whilst gyrating, is just an example of some of my ground-breaking comedy. I was also recently approached at a Studio 54- type party (themed party at a non-descript location, filled with Perf majors chain-smoking cigarettes) and was drunkenly deemed the “Queen of BOOBEES and Improv”; a highly coveted title I am honored and burdened to bear. Being “Almost Famous” is the glorious middle ground between being famous and being regular. I’ll have you know, I am no rego-normy (regular-normal) girl. I am a goddamn star, just ask my mommy, and yours. As I’m writing this, I have just received another glowing review of my website by someone’s mommy. What can I say, I’m a mommy magnet. Your mother (ur mom) will love me in the first 15 minutes or your money back, that’s the Banana-Fanna fo Femma guarantee. Mommies love dirty-improv-doing party clowns who have no boundaries and no problem chatting with them in the kitchen for hours. I even have a name for said chats (mom’s LOVE having names for things), “Kitchen Counter Catch-Ups” (they also LOVE alliterations). But, the mommy love is not enough for the growing fame monster inside of me (little monsters moment #pokeHERface). I now feel I am in need of “Almost Famous” luxuries, like a glam squad, for instances when fans approach me and I am not camera (selfie) ready. As well as an assistant to accompany me to all of my classes and ask beforehand for “No pictures or videos please she’s just trying to work. She’s ALMOST just like all of you, just a little less regular”.
I hope this article serves as a PSA, begging the sweet, kind, people who have simply just complimented me to stop inflating my tremendous ego. No, but seriously, shoutout to my fans, I love you guys so much. Yes, I’ll have your babies, and no, my merch will NOT be sold at an affordable price #exclusive.
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