By: Bailey Surles
I know what you’re thinking. “Why is it that every girl with a cat is so sexy, charismatic, and hilarious?” You aren’t wrong, and I’m here to offer some simple steps on how to achieve this coveted title.
1. Your cats ALWAYS come first! If you get asked out on a date and really aren’t feeling it, then don’t go! You have your cat to keep you company and your cat will outlive that person anyway, so why waste your time? Instead of awkward small talk, have an intellectual one-sided convo with your cat from the comfort of your own home. You also don’t have to get dressed or do your hair and makeup because your cat loves you just the way you are.
2. Your cat is the prettiest and best cat in the whole world! Never let someone tell you that your cat isn’t cute because they’re clearly lying and feel threatened by your cat’s importance. Your cat is your child and if you don’t protect them from this ugly dog person world then you aren’t a good parent!
3. Be hot! That’s a given, as every woman is already naturally blessed with hotness. Sexieness comes easier to us women, while men on the other hand struggle with putting in even the smallest amount of effort. Also, if you’re questioning your hotness, get a cat, your sex appeal will skyrocket! Everyone who is a cat-owner is automatically hot, it’s just a fact.
4. Have multiple cats! Why own just one? That’s so boring and your cat will be lonely without a friend. You also don’t want your cat to be an only child because then they’ll think they run the place, and they do, but no one wants a bratty cat. Yes, cleaning out a litter box isn’t pleasant, but the love your cats give you completely makes up for it. Everybody poops, we as humans just prefer toilets!
5. Last but not least, embrace your mental illnesses and childhood trauma! We all have them but cat people tend to be more open and accepting of others and their own. Only hot people go to therapy and only funny people use humor to cope with traumatizing memories! As Professor Brown says, Comedy comes from PAIN. So embrace that craziness because no one likes a boring dog person!
With these steps you’ll be the best, hottest craziest cat lady there is and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! You’re all purrrfect in every way and your cats agree. Now remember if dog people aren’t threatened by you, then you’re doing it all wrong!
P.S. Tito and Dutch say Meowdy!
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