By: Tamia Haskins
I remember playing on the playground as a kid, hearing other girls talk about wanting to be princesses, nurses, or trophy wives to an NFL football player when they grew up. Then there's me dusting off rocks; I dreamt of being a "model." I also wanted to be an archaeologist, which explains the rocks. So who knows what I’d be when I grew up?
But I knew one thing, growing up in the '00s and 10's, models did not look like me. I never saw anyone on television or the cover of magazines with natural hair, dark skin, or a waist size larger than 28 inches. In addition to having a football prodigy as a brother, I looked like a chubby pee wee football coach; matching tracksuit and cornrows were my uniform. So, I set that dream aside and tried to pursue a more practical career, like Acting. I love that the younger me thought the acting industry was a more feasible career path, silly me. But look at me now, I just received my bachelor's degree from SCAD in Performing Arts with minors in Dramatic Writing and Casting. So let's give myself a little credit.
My time at SCAD did three things for me. One, affirmed my career choice (thank God because I would hate to waste thousands); two, surrounded me with the next generation of fashion icons and advertising geniuses; and three, opened the door to modeling. The first shoot I modeled was for Black History Month. I had to do it, not just because I'm black but because that younger version of myself never would've imagined someone asking me to model. I'm kind, smart, and a lovable hoot, but my outer appearance, I've been learning to love my whole life. Let's get real, before entering college, I lost 60 pounds, not for aesthetics but for health. It's not a cliche because one day, I looked in the mirror and couldn't recognize myself. And it wasn't anyone else that could change that but me. On my health journey, I learned that I didn’t quite align with the body positivity movement. It's saturated by people who don't understand the complexity of body image, self-hatred, and body dysmorphia. So, I have had to find my own body neutrality practice. Body neutrality (my definition) is knowing that once you are born, your body constantly changes and is neutral towards its various phases. Every day your body fluctuates in weight; you grow taller or shorter, or your hair grays. We will never look the same after a day has passed. Body neutrality, in combination with my faith, exercise, and healing my relationship with food, shifted my mindset to create a healthy lifestyle. It felt like a sign of how effortless my health journey and modeling crashed together.
After my first shoot, I was nervous about posting the photos. I sent them to my Dad first. Like the supportive father he is, he said, "You look great… you know you got the Jinx from me? I used to model." For clarification, "Jinx" is a term my Dad uses that means you have good genes. Like any kid who respects their parents would, I replied, "Sure." Then my Dad proceeded to show me an album of his modeling photos. I felt like my Dad kept this big secret from me, like yes, my Dad's a Virgo. He dresses nice, smells good, and is the most detail-oriented person I know, but modeling was not something I expected from him. Another sign… I guess it runs in the family. As I did more shoots, I got asked by local brands to shoot for them. I got paid, and was featured on a billboard. I've even Creative Directed my own shoots. Fashion and Modeling were unexpected; the best part is that I never had to change to fit someone else's vision. People have liked me for me. Student designers asked me to audition for SCAD's annual fashion show. Now, the runway is its own beast, and I can barely walk in a straight line when I'm sober, but it must be in my genes. My Dad brags to this day about his walk. Unfortunately, I could not do the fashion show in my junior year. I was cast as the lead in a mainstage play that never went up… thanks to COVID. So, my senior year was my last chance.
Going into my last year of college, I had many things weighing on my heart. My brother tragically passed, I didn't get into acting showcase, and I dealt with many other adult responsibilities I did not expect to manage. There were no expectations for anything anymore. Life truly humbled me, and I had no other choice than surrender to God's will. Thankfully the designers advocated for more diverse bodies, they had my back, and I had theirs, and thus I was chosen to be their model. Fashion is no joke. I was ECSTATIC when I got the email that I had made it to the fashion show. It was during the most hectic week at SCAD for me. I just finished a run of my final play and was on my first professional gig on a TV show. So the fashion show was a pleasant surprise. And it continued to surprise me most beautifully. I was their first plus-size model, which differs from a curve model. In modeling, they have different divisions based on body types and genders. The typical breakdown based on body measurements is straight size, curve, and plus size. I'm a size 14-16 for reference and the smallest size to be considered plus-size. Although I wasn't your typical model, I felt seen and loved by fellow models. Going into it, I thought it would be like Next Top Model, that I would be shamed for my soft physic and natural hair. But I met the sweetest humans, all above 6 feet, who made me feel tiny for once. I worked with the most professional team and was mentored by the fabulous supermodel Coco Rocha. Then the unthinkable happened. I was chosen for the photoshoot to promote the show. Then this publication called VOGUE wrote an article and admired my dear friend, Daniel's garments. Thank God Daniel chose me to be his model from day one,and I tried my best to be there every step of the process. Then the love continued to multiply from there. The most rewarding part was my Dad telling me he was proud of me. All I want to do is make myself and my family proud. It's amazing because If I could tell little Tamia to be herself, she'd probably push me to be a triple threat—a model, actress, and archaeologist. Who knows, I still have time.
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