By Reem Hinedi
The most important house. Venus. Ruler of sex and love, representative of how you love and how you want to be loved. I’m no stranger to being asked what my Venus sign is, and I am no stranger to the “awww”'s of pity once I reveal my Venus is in cancer.. somebody cue the firing squad… If you are somehow unaware of this, Venus cancers are the saddest individuals on the planet, cuz they get no bitches. They want to take care of others and be taken care of by others, and how are they supposed to do that when there is not a mf in sight for them to take care of. Sure I have the platonic loves in my life that can semi quench this part of my life, but literally fuck that! What does a water Venus have to do to get some head around here!! My love life, per my cosmic fate, has been barren and uneventful.
Due to my predicament it’s only natural that I take to the most proper and pure way to make a genuine love connection with another human being. I’m talking about dating apps of course. Dearest gentle reader, I am sure you may or may not be aware of this but there is no greater cesspool than that of the selection of men in the greater Savannah area, so obviously it is slim pickings on the apps. And yes before you ask, I have tried the big three. I always seem to run into the same cast of characters on each one, at this point they have become a sense of familiarity as I navigate these treacherous waters. Savannah is a small city, with a population of about four men, and these four men are being passed around like there’s no tomorrow. It’s always a pleasure to see when me and my friends have matched with the same guy and we can share our tales of bravery after having to actually speak to these men. Having to even entertain these people feels like running eyes closed into a battlefield. Because they are just. So. Damn. Boring. I’ve realized that every date I’ve been on has been a relatively good time, not because they are actually showing me a good time, but because they are just so uninteresting that I end up having to show myself the good time. Trust if there’s one thing I’m gonna do, it’s entertain myself. While I have to listen to them blabber on about why Paul Thomas Anderson is the best director to ever exist, I have to find ways to keep my pulse from dropping to 0. So I’ll start being my funny charming sexy self in order to keep from scratching at the walls in sheer agony. But that always seems to backfire on me because the guy will actually start to think that he is actually doing well in this farce of a date. Another thing about me is that I’ll entertain a man for way too long. Cuz knowing myself I am not quick to catch feelings and I do try to give it a genuine try. But the more dates I go out on the more they think that there's actually something happening between us, the more it makes me want to retreat in fear. I’ve realized that my standards are much too high. Will I ever lower them? No. I’d rather be single forever than be in a lackluster relationship with the personified version of a water paper bag. No matter how much my cancer Venus yearns for a little silly companion to take care of, I’ll have to suppress that urge until someone who’s actually worthy of my time will come along. But for now, I’ll just keep changing my location on hinge and receive all the instant validation I can get until my little heart just can’t stand it!
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