By: Carolyn Murphy
1. Identity!
Being a young flourishing artist, establishing a sense of identity has been something I have struggled with long before my time in Lacoste. It is something that changes often and is contingent on many ever-changing circumstances. For me, my personal sense of identity has always been found in the title of artist. I was always the girl who could draw ever since I was young. It is a fundamental part of my life and I often find myself panicking about it. It is such a tight string because of how intensely I love being an artist. If that were to ever be stripped away, I feel like I would lose my mind. Throughout my time in Lacoste, I began to notice my sense of identity spread out much more. I’m not sure if it was because of the environment or the wonderful people I met during my time here, but I learned so much about myself. I learned that as much as I love illustrating and calling myself an illustrator, I am much more. And there is no need to hold myself to the title of ‘artist’ as if it is a heavy cross to bear. Being an artist is as natural to me as breathing. But that doesn’t mean it is my one and only. Identity is something I will always struggle with, and I think that is only human! But it was a wonderful thing to learn about myself during my time in Lacoste.
2. Independence!
I feel like this one is obvious, but it remains true! Leaving for college was the first step in gaining my independence, but studying abroad is a totally different beast. It is quite an alarming shock to wake up hours before your loved ones do and be in a completely unfamiliar environment. Studying abroad created the opportunity for a new kind of independence- a seemingly inconsequential one. I felt reborn almost, with this newfound sense of freedom. I felt like I was sixteen again and completely untouchable. However, that feeling didn’t stick for very long. Some people flourish in new places, I do not. I found myself constantly wanting to curl up into myself towards the beginning of my trip. The shock factor quickly wore off and I found myself constantly on edge. It was something I had to give myself time to work out. I didn’t really know anyone that well going into Lacoste and needed that adjustment period. But once I began to feel comfortable again, it was like the wings had finally grown. Being young and having the privilege to study somewhere new is an experience like no other.
3. Cultural relativism!
One really awesome thing about immersing yourself in a new culture is how much your perspective shifts. I also feel like this is a common phrase heard, but it really is the truth. Some things get lost in translation and can be hard to understand without proper cultural understanding. The French way of living, particularly in the south of France, is so foreign to how I was raised. It is a lovely way of life, and it is a simple way of life. I was given the gift of slowing down. Of taking it all in. Of really sitting down and just listening to people. It took the emphasis away from myself and gave it back to the land I was on. There are things that can only be understood if you live it yourself. This was a concept that I knew but did not fully understand until…well, living it myself!
4. Suffering!
One lesson I am continuing to learn over and over in my lifetime is how I will always suffer! Not in a pessimistic way, but in a realist way. I think I had a certain vision of how these past ten weeks would look for me. And that vision was totally wrong! There were many evenings when I felt homesick. There were many weekends I regret. There were moments when I did everything wrong. But these moments were also some of the most important. In Lacoste, you are constantly surrounded by people and on a constant schedule. This is not how I usually live my day to day life. I am someone who needs alone time, and I got none of it for ten weeks straight. I felt a shift in my brain that happened, particularly in these worse for wear moments. I started to handle these fearful moments in a different way than usual. I was really able to step out of myself and look at the bigger picture. A lot of times when things go wrong, I instantly go to the worst case scenario. It is just in my nature to do so. But in light of the beautiful surroundings I was always in and the wonderful art I was always making I found it hard to even find the worst case scenario I always seem to uncover.
5. I am small!
The biggest takeaway from my time in Lacoste was that I am small. I am small and the world is so so big. It is like a huge breath of relief to me. I met so many wonderful people and saw so many wonderful sights that gave me the chance to slow down. Living so intimately with complete strangers was overwhelming in the most beautiful way. I ate every meal with these people, shared my art with them, traveled far with them, and may never speak to them again. It is a strange intimacy, but I know these people as my own now. And this concept can apply to quite literally everything and everyone. Break bread with strangers, ask them questions in earnest, and give them a listening ear. I think that is all most people really want, the opportunity to be listened to. Go into situations with the outlook of “I am small”and I want to let the experience tell me what it needs. It really gives me a deep sense of peace. I know nothing and it’s all I can do to allow my environment to teach me. I can’t help myself!
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