By: Emma Sikes
How often do you think about the Roman Empire? In the last few weeks this tantalizing question has been posed to men specifically, and their responses? Concerning. Their answers range from “at least once a day” to “twice a year”. Many have speculated that the intrigue of this legendary ‘pire (em) is merely a reflection of the man’s natural desire to conquer and build his own. While others (pick-me girls) suggest that “the Romans were just really cool and built super chill and impressive monuments that have been around for a long time and honestly you should just leave the guys alone.” Settle down girls, we’re just poking fun, trust me your guy best friends could stand to get made fun of every once in a while. #itsgood4u Just to clarify, I'm not dismissing men who value history, or are interested in certain parts of it. Men with any thoughts besides Boobs, Butt, Livvy Dunn, and Boobs are a rarity and must be preserved, frozen in time, and stuck in a lab for easy access to me when I am bored. I am merely suggesting that in this one single instance, women are permitted to laugh at the amount of time these men devote to a thing that happened 2000 years ago. It is genuinely fascinating that a whole slew of men devote their headspace to the same time period, especially one where the clothing was so feminine. Fem boys murdering other strong men in dresses and sandals just to prove they could is definitely a wattpad story I could get into. Though somehow I don’t feel the attire is the draw for most men who dwell on the Romans and their empire. Could it be the lavish ways in which so many of the Romans lived? The public bath houses? Nevermind, it was definitely the Toga’s. #lettheboysbreathe
I’d be lying if I said watching men wax poetic on the “impressive expansion and strength required to conquer and sustain Roman rule” didn’t give me a huge lady boner (cuz it does). Let’s face it watching men speak on topics they are passionate about is and forever will be, hot. Whether it’s the Roman empire or the awesome sandwich they made (do not not speak to me about a regular sandwich- I’m not interested). #awesomesammiesonly #oncemorewithpassion As we all know men don’t experience as much joy as they once did, so it is important to check up on any man you know. If you can, engage him in conversation in a topic you know he is well-versed in, perhaps the big game. I am of course referring to football, it is football season ladies, and this year we are invading all their fantasy leagues. How Roman of us! Invading a space, declaring it as our own, and actively defending it. We came, we saw, we conquered! Taylor (Swift) is our Caesar Augustus, she made her way across enemy lines successfully and we will follow in her footsteps.
Could all these men pretending to ponder the ‘pire be playing a sick joke on us? Possibly. If so I’d feel more betrayed than when Augustus was stabbed by his buddy Brutus (amiright?) #EttuBrute #itsaRomanthing #carpediem #Romanslang
Comments