By: Emma Sikes
There are a multitude of coffee shops in Savannah; MOST of them are good, some are amazing, and ONE is Jav Burr (Java Burrito). Another one is literally run by a cult, but as I am a potential breeder (my ONLY skill in their eyes), I hesitate to write an article trashing their misogynistic, homophobic, and racist ideals. If you’d like, I can give you more info on the culty coffee, but for my safety this article is NOT about them, it’s about Java Burrito. If you haven’t been, I cannot stress to you ENOUGH the grave mistake you’re making. Upon entering, you’re hit with the combined smell of flavored meat and freshly brewed coffee (dream come true?!). You’re oh so tempted to sit at their gorgina bar and order every single one of their delicacies (milkshake, marg, and mocha). Also a weird thing for me to admire, but I do, is that said gorgina bar has purse hooks, so great place for a 1st date. They’ve got big open windows, so people can see you being murdered (absolute worst case scenario obv), a huge bar for looking yearningly to show off jawline, and a TV in the middle of the bar almost always playing Bachelorette reruns. I’ve never actually been able to get work done at a coffee shop (I’d rather people watch), but this might be the one place I could?! Their music taste is superb; not too quiet, sad, and slow and only vaguely familiar. You’ll be tapping your foot in an embarrassing way (in a need-to-find-out-who-tf-has-aux-in-this-joint typa way). Super friendly bartenders, and thats big ups coming from me. Not only do I hate most people in general, I don’t have a great track record with bartenders. Mine tend to have God complexes about my specific drink order. I’m also a huge sucker for big patterned wallpaper. I have this notion that I won’t have “made it” until I have wallpapered bathrooms #renterprobs. Look at me, I’m literally gushing and I haven’t even made it to the burr part of Jav Burr. So once you’ve had a happy hour $5 peach marg and the sun is shining through the huge window onto your face, giving you some much needed vitamin D, you’re gonna wanna wander into the main dining room (the Burr Room as my baes and I lovingly refer to it). You will be overwhelmed, but not to worry. I’ll guide you through it. You can choose to make a bowl or a burr (ito). There ARE other options, but why bother- you want a burr and you know it. I’m recommending the steak and throwing some muthafuckin 'pineapple on there. I don’t wanna hear it, at least not until you’ve tried it. Get your goods, sit down, and literally prepare yourselves for the juiciest, most flavorful burr you’ve ever had. Then once you’ve finished, look up on the wall and seriously contemplate getting some merch, because it’s cute asf. Honestly, I wish I could say I discovered this place first, but it has been fully invaded by (the cool) SCAD baes already, and purely by word of mouth. I mean sure they have a very subtle and non-cheugy social media presence, but I came purely because my baefies (and roommate Katie) wouldn’t stop begging me to. I realize it sounds like J Berts is the cult I was alluding to in the beginning, that I’ve been convinced to join, but that is not the case. Look, I might go as far as to form a club for other fanatics like me, but that’s as far as I’ll go, I promise. Did I MENTION their music, from Childish Gambino to the Lumineers, I’ve now started to headbob. #embarrasingtipsywhitegirlmoment. Not to mention, they allowed us to put our flier on their bar. Boobees x Jav Burr collab coming soon #dreamteam. In closing, go in, fall in love, and marry into the Java Burrito family. Poligimy is cool again, so you’re good.
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