Dear SCAD Ladies,

By: Alyssa Bloom

Picture this: you’re a young, blossoming, 18-year-old girl entering your freshman year of college and you’ve been told your whole life how many wonderful experiences you’ll have away at school. You’ve just gotten out of a two-year relationship with someone… not so great, and thus you’re finally ready for some fun, sexual, romantic experiences. Here’s the punchline, you go to SCAD.

I’m sure anyone reading this that doesn’t go to SCAD is rolling their eyes, maybe even letting out a little giggle. In their minds, there’s just no possible way that SCAD’s dating scene is as itty-bitty as we all say. Well, it is. It’s horrible. Abysmal. Lackluster. Here, it’s not a dating pool; it’s a cesspool.

I must confess, I am a straight woman (yes, I’ll accept your condolences on this matter), so I really can only speak from that point of view, but I mean, COME ON! I entered SCAD in 2020, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, expecting to find some mega sex god who just happens to paint or, I don’t know, doodle… a bit. Joke’s on me. After the first quarter, I knew a total of 5 dateable bachelors. And when I say “dateable”, I literally mean they were interested in women and could utter a full sentence. No hate to anyone who’s still working up the confidence to talk to a girl; I’m just a little too impatient for that. As the quarters have progressed, I’ve met MAYBE 20 guys that go here. On the off-chance that one of them will even pique your interest, they either have a girlfriend/partner or are completely fucked in the head. I have to add that I’m really not that picky either and, at this point, if you have a peepee and can make me laugh, I’ll probably be in love with you.

So, the big question is; What the fuck is wrong with SCAD? Unfortunately, I’m yet to find the answer. It seems like every girl I know who is interested in men has the same issue! They all seem to suck. These days it seems like all of them are OBSESSED with their exes too! My roommate calls it the ex-epidemic. She’s right. Trying to date here is genuinely like trying to find good porn to watch; impossible. I’ve given 3 guys a chance, and here’s what’s happened: One got a girlfriend (after flirting with me for months, I must add), the other is a total butt sniff, and the third just simply isn’t interested. I think I’ll be going celibate from here on out. If anyone can figure out what’s in the water that these boring little boys are drinking, do let me know.

Sincerely, every straight girl at SCAD… ever.

P.S. You’re probably way out of his league; We all are.