By: Liza Jackson
This is my first person, barely statistical, fine print version of 2024’s, we’re so over, we’re so back agenda. In the years prior, there was a migraine-inducing rise in neon colors, LED lights (don’t look at my ceiling, this is about you.), and coquette-core. Skinny jeans dipped out of the gene pool ages ago, but will swim ashore in the now dreaded land of the infamous goodwill “vintage” racks.
That was just a taste and without further ado I sincerely hope you, the reader, agree with my takes on matcha, podcasts, and lying to streaming services!
1. Maximalist makeup
I will personally drag my neon colored eyeshadow palette out of the trenches if it means we can bring this back. Neon pink eyeshadow to the grocery store? Rhinestones on my cheeks when I hit up the ATM? I need my friends and I to strictly resemble JEM and The Holograms or we might as well be Amish for the night.
2. Coffee Table Books
You mean to tell me we stopped buying those huge hardback picture books for adults? I have always been a huge supporter of magazines but coffee table books are a Pottery Barn staple, especially the ones with pictures of homes nicer than the one you’re reading said book in.
3. Skinny Jeans
Every millennial is about to have their time to shine, in 2024 skinny jeans are predicted to return along with the “no pants,” fashion trends. Baggy pants will fade away until the next cycle but I can only pray lowrise bootcut jeans can stick around eternally as always, but it’s not looking good for my closet.
4. Making a new fake email to use for 30 day free trials
Saving money has never been easier with a few extra clicks and basic abuse of random email generators! There’s no reason to pay all that money for some shows you don’t need in your life, but there is a reason to be boobeesmagazinepart27 @ icloud.com for some free streams.
5. Older model cars
Cars made before 2014 will come back in full swing, hopefully focusing on the stick shift aspect. Cars are beginning to resemble refrigerator-batmobiles and come in various shades of gray. Girls want a turquoise thunderbird, not a Tesla that can maybe drive itself, the fun lies in the perchance of it all.
My comprehensive list of 5 things that are “so over” in 2024
1. Sublime T-shirts
Starting off strong, the age old staple in any 15 year olds closet, the infamous distressed Sublime shirt. Probably sold by Urban Outfitters, Forever 21, or every 15 year olds favorite, Spencers! Why is this so over? Let me tell you a short story. One day I asked a girl, in said uniform, what her favorite Sublime song was, to which she replied, “What do you mean? Sublime is a brand.”
2. Starting a podcast
Unfortunately not everyone is fit to run a podcast. Let me run that back, not everyone is fit to run a podcast. Be honest with me, have you thought about starting a podcast when you’re sitting at that Mexican restaurant dropping first and last names over bottomless queso with your closest friends? If you said no, you’re lying even though I’m not even with you right now! Men, I'm looking at you.
3. Starbucks Matcha
Imagine it’s 7am, you give the bisexual barista that you go through the drive through just to see your last $8 and they hand you a soft shaded green drink. You take a giant slurp. Chunky powder fills your mouth. It’s as if you bit into a soggy minecraft block, with a hint of coconut milk (in this scenario you’re lactose intolerant.)
4. Oversized wardrobes, unfortunately
We’ve been faced with another one that isn’t my very own opinion. Statistically speaking, skinny jeans and the lack of pants in general is coming back in full swing. Despite baggy jeans leaving the cycle rotation, maybe now I don’t have to always wear pants when I leave the house.
5. Beige Decor - specifically centerpieces
Did we all see those photos of Kim Kardashian's house? I felt like I was swimming in concrete! Why would anyone buy a newly furnished home and immediately think to cover the entire thing in the most beige paint and those weird hay bale centerpieces? Girls don’t want beige dried out stems in a vase, they want coffee table books!!! (Or at least I do)
Thank you for reading my ins and outs of 2024, I hope we can at least agree to disagree! And have a great, totally not beige, new year!
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